Wednesday, October 30, 2013
*.* Unexplained Fears *.*
Fear is rarely a pleasant feeling. It sets your heart thumping, your palm sweating and your head throbbing at times. It makes you tensed, poised for the next movement and often more sensitive than usual. Yet, I do seem to suffer from certain unexplained fears.
I've always had a phobia for heights. I dislike places that are above ground without full cover/protection and would often cringe should I ever be in a position that is so. Perhaps this is attributed to a fall when I was still a toddler, or just an inborn fear, but till date, I've yet to overcome this fear though the extent of fear did diminish over the years (Thankfully). Still, I can't say that I'm a fan of roller coasters which never fails to dip suddenly after climbing to a certain height.
Another unexplained fear is my fear of lightning and thunder which just suddenly surfaced amidst my growing years. At times, I'm not very affected. At other times, all I want to do is to cuddle up under my blanket and tune it all out. I dislike the unexpected flash of the lightning and roar of the thunder. To me, it spoils a nice rainy day.
Perhaps the underlying cause of these 2 fears relate to the fear of death? Deep down, I may be afraid of dying in such painful ways... There's no way to find out though, I guess? And the issue of either facing my fears and trying to overcome them as compared to running away from them... I do hope that 1 day I would be able to conquer my fear of heights for it limits me in trying certain activities like rock climbing (I'm alright with climbing up but I can't stand the coming down process) and such. Till the day that I succeed!
I needed Jesus @ | 10:19 AM
*.* The Fury of God *.*
I am a blessed Christian and I often rejoice when I look back at the path of Grace that I've walked through with Him. My Faith has brought me to where I am today, when I am shattered, He healed me; When I am weak, He strengthened me. Yet, at the end of the tough times, when the memory fades somewhat, I forget to recount my blessings and in the face of another problem, I complain, I grumble.
Numbers chapter 11 was a sharp reminder to me. The Israelites were led out of Egypt through the various miraculous work of the Lord. Yet, as the time passed and their joy of being set free faded, they complained and wailed and said that they would rather have stayed in Egypt. The Lord's fury struck them then, and a severe plague struck them where the people who had craved other food were buried.
Lord, I pray this morning, that you will forgive my sins of complaining, of forgetting, that you're the God that led me through all the trials in my life and will continue to do so. Lord, I pray that I will not be like the Israelites. They were your chosen people, and you favoured them. Yet, because of the long journey to reach the designated promise land, they started to forget and started to complain. I know that I've complained, sometimes excessively. Lord, today, I pray that you will humble me and let me rely on your power and know that you're God so that in face of all situations, I'll turn to you and humbly seek you. May you put words of praise in my mouth and take away all the negative, that the words that I speak are words that build up others and not those that tears other down.
In today's times, I also often crave for many things. Things that I may want but not need. But Lord, let me instead be thankful for what I have and take away the seed of Greed from within me so that I may be filled with your joy instead. Touch me, oh Lord, and fill me up like nothing material could. I pray that I will never evoke your fury. Please enlighten me on my wrong doings that I may stay in your favour. Thank you, Heavenly Father. In Jesus's Name I pray, Amen.
I needed Jesus @ | 9:56 AM
*.* Me *.*
Me. I should know a lot about this topic, isn't it? I should be able to write an essay that goes on for pages regarding this. Yet, in the past few months, I've asked myself "Who am I?" over and over again and "What do I want in life?"
Our perspectives are often altered as we go through different trials and experiences in life. For me, university changed my view of the world once again. The first week of university life was basically a cultural shock and made me realized what an introvert (Some would say "nerd" would be a more suitable word here) I was. As the days passed, I realized the values and principles of our society. But still, I can't seem to find the balance within myself.
The external environment may change, but I believe that if one can make peace with himself, he'll definitely be much happier and live more meaningful and fulfilling days. Still, try as I might, I have yet to succeed in that. I'm influenced by my environment and others' judgement, which often only results in self-torment till I seek refuge in my Lord.
I need passion in my life, something that I desire and crave badly so that I'll fight for it. I need courage, to dream dreams and to chase after them. I need to learn how to love, not in my way, but in the way that my loved ones perceive. I need courage, to stand tall and proud without feeling inferior in any sense. I need to feel secured and at ease with who I am and not wish that I was someone else rather than who I am. I need to start now.
I needed Jesus @ | 6:30 PM
