Saturday, December 26, 2009
Life will always have problems, difficulties and obstacles. The thing is, never give up and strive on. You can definitely get through.
I needed Jesus @ | 11:13 PM
Friday, December 25, 2009
Identitiy Crisis? Been asking around recently, trying to find something to define myself. Who am I? That's the question I wanted to find the answer to. Realised how little I actually knew about myself. How little I understood myself.
Wanna thank all those who kindly answered my random questions XD To say the truth, I'm still searching for the 'real' me. Knowing or not, I realised that I started being defensive since the beginning of this year. Defensive of myself. Why? I don't know. Maybe its just that I was afraid, afraid to get hurt, afraid of the truth.
Its not easy to change, especially when I'm so used to it that I do it sub-consciously. I've built up defences and walls. Things that I think would keep me from being hurt. Running away was one of them. I avoided as many things as I could. Its true, running/avoidance don't solve anything. In the end, I still have to face everything.
Thinking with my heart is not easy, not after my brain got so used to being in automated mode. Gonna break out of the 'politically correct' answers. =)Tear away everything and behind all these, its just a simple 15 year old girl who is afraid to step out into the world, a 15 year old girl with alot of uncertainties. I needed Jesus @ | 11:47 PM
Went down to church at around 1900++ from the SL party... Left without having dinner so I bought bread near my church. Yet, the Lord has already prepared a feast for me. Christmas Eve's dinner thus changed from bread to a delicious meal of mash potatoes, curry chicken, beef, prawns, satays and other dishes. All I can say is, Lord's grace is more than sufficient and He will lead my way.
This song reminded me of something that I so often forgot.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLE8EY0gMX4We Are The Reason - Avalon (Joy)As little children
We would dream of Christmas morn
Of all the gifts and toys
We knew we'd find
But we never realized
A baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives
We were the reason
That He gave His life
We were the reason
That He suffered and died
To a world that was lost
He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live
As the years went by
We learned more about gifts
The giving of ourselves
And what that means
On a dark and cloudy day
A man hung crying in the rain
All because of love, all because of love
I've finally found the reason for living
It's in giving every part of my heart to Him
In all that I do every word that I say
I'll be giving my all just for Him, for Him
He is my reason to live
Written by David Meece
(c) 1980 Word Music / ASCAP
I needed Jesus @ | 1:00 AM
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Ok, so I shall post about Media Leadership Camp here! =DD
Went to Media camp after SL intensive camp was dismissed so was kinda tired. Thanks to Xiu Wei and Dawn for buying me my lunch! ;D Went back to bunk and they did a bag search. After which we gathered in the asthetics room and did introduction, name droppers, puzzle (teamwork) and perceptives. My group was fun! We zi-highed there =D Hehe. I think it was kinda due to lack of sleep where I'll either be very high or very 'seh' XD
But at least our group's words were logically crap! (Kinda...? Hehe) The mystery case got me a bit blur I think. Hahas, but tyvm to Irdianty for being there! The second day was spent at East Coast park (morning) where we all either got burnt or sunburnt! The difference lies in that you either become chao da (like me) or as red as a cooked lobster/prawn ;D I think our team did a great job! Esp Bernard and Edel who stayed and built for the longest!
After which we had lunch and had to make our way back to school by ourselves. Almost everyone slpt on the bus ride besides yu hui and si wei who were zi-highing there. Hahas. Then arrived back in school and spent a further 1h? 2h? or so looking for Mr Tang! In the end he was in the recycling room! ...
The station games were *thumbs up* I liked them! =D Though I think it will be the first and last time I touch worms of ANY kind. So 'lucky' of me! Btw the seniors have a very... interesting way of waking people up! *winks at girls in the same bunk as me* I apologise for being quiet at times cos I was a little tired =P I think the appreciation thing is nice! Hehe.
Media Camp made me think a lot too, though about different stuff. Thks to Mr Tang for talking to us too. Media Club made me learn and grow alot too. I don't know if I appear to be an outspoken leader, cause I think I'm always pretty quiet during SL camps or something... Haven't really found myself yet, and I still don't understand myself many a times. I don't know what kind of leadership style I have, or if I have any at all. Hopefully, I'll figure out more of that in the near future...
I came to realise that I act differently with different groups of people, which made me wonder who is the 'real' me. Maybe, just maybe, there's no 'real' me. I'm made up of the different sides of me. Xiu Wei, Dawn, Kayying would have seen a different side to me when they went to HK's Ocean park with me! (Esp Xiu Wei! =D) Maybe, this is all part of growing up. Maybe I would never really understand myself. But no matter what, I am still me. Imperfect, hot-tempered as I may be.
What I do know is, I'm really thankful for the different group of people in my life who supported me and saw me through the downs in my life. Be it in church, CCA, SLB, class, I have great friends surrounding me and encouraging me. Really wanted to saw a big thank you to everyone of you!
I lost 2kg! Rawrs!
Lord, I'm sorry for not keeping to my promise of going on a mission trip this year. I will go next year. Really really will. Thank you for casting light in my life when I most needed it yet again. I will lie in your arms, till forever ends. I love you. I needed Jesus @ | 1:22 AM
This hols is like flying away or something! Only left with around 1 - 2 weeks! Omg. Totally haven't touched my holidays homework. *Faints
Just back from camp on Monday =) *Warning - this is gonna be a super long post!*
Allow me to start off with the SL intensive camp! (Wait, I go get my notebook) Ok, back ;D Truth be told, I was dreading the camp(s) and hesitating if I should go. Very glad that I did! Never did like the feelings of camp, not sure why though. Had pre-camp symptoms (hehe, some of you should know this! XD). Started packing the day before at like 2200 - 0000. Then woke up at 0500 to continue packing...
I was kinda thinking about quite a lot of stuff before I went for the camp. Its was a low point in my life where I just sort of lost the steering wheel in my life. When things all started to get out of control and I didn't feel as though I have the strength to carry on or to make them right. Simply put it, I was tired. At the very least, I thought by going to camp would take my mind off all the thinking.
And the irony of life is, the camp was focused on reflections. The activities and lectures, they made me ponder, brought me to a new depth and opened my eyes. Life, wasn't as shallow as I thought. I don't know when, but the answers that I gave were "politically correct answers" that came from my head, not my heart. Somehow, somewhere, I seemed to have kept my heart under lock and made decisions with the more logical side of me.
I realised that I no longer knew myself. The person staring back at me in the mirror was noone but a stranger. A stranger that I hated. The last sing-a-long session I had with the SLs, I suddenly realised how precious it was. I wanted so badly to hold that feeling, to remember those faces. I haven't fully understood the purpose I was in SLB, and I'm still thinking about it. But I really am glad that I passed probation and became part of this family. Thank you to all who accepted me into the board and made me feel like I actually belonged.
4 Days 3 Nights weren't as long as I thought it would be. Sincerely hoping that these feelings, this bond, be it newly formed or strengthened, will last long. No matter what though, I still got to know more SLs better (esp my group members! It was really enjoyable with you all =] )
Wanna thank JW, exco, and all others who shared that night. At least now I know that I'm not alone :) It also answered some questions I had for life. For myself. Life ain't easy, but I'll get by, definitely. I won't forget that night and all that's shared. It also made me understood, how much we influence people around us, be it consciously or sub-consciously.
A big big thank you to all the seniors and camp comm too! It was really a wonderful job. Creative, thought-provoking and fun packed in just 1 camp!
Think this post is getting a bit lengthy so I shall post media camp in another post! =D
I needed Jesus @ | 12:50 AM
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Quoted from Peter Penguin: "I think none of us have the right to say someone else has changed :D
cuzzzzzz we're all changing! so does it make a diff? I mean like if we bothered to state everyone who changes, we'd be listing every person in our level that we know."
I needed Jesus @ | 12:17 AM
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Thank you Lord, pls carry out the promise.
Its all I'm living for I needed Jesus @ | 10:20 PM
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Maybe I should wash my hands off all other matters and concentrate on my studies before I screw up my O levels.
I needed Jesus @ | 2:20 PM
Give me a reason to go on.
I needed Jesus @ | 7:08 PM
Maybe I overestimated myself.
I needed Jesus @ | 5:57 PM
